Prologue

Leo Kennedy hated family picnics, and the annual Memorial Day picnic at his grandparent’s house was always the worst, in his opinion. At least this year, the weather was beautiful; it was eighty-four degrees, and no clouds were in the sky. Last year, it rained, and everyone was jammed inside the house. He scanned the crowd of relatives, looking for his brother Kameron, but he didn’t see him anywhere.

Leo grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler and jumped over the porch railing, heading for the yard’s edge. He just wanted to be left alone if he couldn’t find Kam. He was about to sit down when he noticed someone else sitting alone, staring off into the distance. Leo thought momentarily, then picked up his chair and strolled over to where the man was seated. He sat down on his lawn chair next to the older man. “Hey, Uncle Kai, nice day, isn’t it?”

Kai took off his sunglasses and made a show of looking all around and behind his nephew. “You look like my nephew Leo, but he usually has two shadows close at his heels. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him by himself before.”

Leo snorted with laughter. “Jazz had to go to his family picnic, and I’m unsure where Kam went. I’m by myself, sometimes.”

“Jasper is a very close friend, isn’t he?” Kai asked with a raised eyebrow.

Leo blushed. “We’ve been best friends since the first day of kindergarten, and sophomore year is over in two weeks! So, yeah, we’re pretty close.”

“Leo, I want you to know that you can come to me any time and ask me anything. Even things that your parents may not be willing to understand.”

“I know, Uncle Kai. Thank you.” Leo squirmed in his seat and then looked back at his uncle. “Uncle Kai, how come grandma won’t even mention your friend’s name, the one that died in the war. Today is Memorial Day, a day to remember people like that. The family knew him. Shouldn’t we celebrate him most of all?”

Tears stung Kai’s eyes. “I celebrate him every single day, Leo.”

“He was your best friend, wasn’t he?”

The beginnings of a smile formed on Kai’s face. “Yes, Leo, he was my best friend.”

“Was he,” Leo hesitated, “was he more than your best friend?”

“He was much more than my best friend. He was the love of my life. He was my hero long before he was a hero to the country. He won me my freedom, then went to Kuwait and Iraq to win others their freedom.”

“What do you mean he won you your freedom? Freedom from what?”

“Freedom from your grandmother. I’m sure you can see how she is. You are a brilliant boy for sixteen, Leo. After your father moved out, your grandmother monopolized all my time. She wanted me with her always. Anytime that anyone got close, she tried to push them away. Doug was the only one who stuck by me, and it was only because of him that I managed to get out from under her thumb. That’s why she still hates him to this day, even though he’s been dead for over thirty years.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean about grandma. I love her, but she is a bit overbearing. How did he help you, though? Why does she hate him so much?”

“You say she’s overbearing? That doesn’t even describe how she was when I was your age. She had me scared of everything. Fear was my constant companion, especially the fear of change. Any change sent me into extreme anxiety attacks. Doug was the only one who could pull me out of it. By age eighteen, I knew the only way to have an everyday life was to leave this house. She tried to make me stay, but the thoughts of Doug pushed me forward through my fear. Let me tell you a story, Leo. The story of the day I finally moved out of this house. The day that Doug won his first battle and gained me my freedom.

 

The door was open, but fear held Kai in place. He needed to go through the door.  Four steps, only four steps. He just needed the courage to make his feet take those last four steps.

Fear gnawed away at Kai Kennedy’s soul, infecting almost everything in his life. Now, finally, on the verge of freedom, he was even scared of not being scared anymore. He was used to the fear. Change is what had him scared now. Change of any kind was a frightening prospect for Kai. 

Kai’s life had been almost entirely unchanged for nearly eighteen years. Kai lived with his mother. He knew his mother loved him, but it was an overbearing, jealous love. Kai’s mother craved attention. She needed all of Kai’s attention. All of Kai’s love. If he gave love or attention to anyone or anything else, it sent his mother into a rage. So, Kai gave his mother the care she needed. He didn’t go out with friends. He didn’t date or do anything except spend time with his mother. 

Kai’s thoughts returned to his present situation. The doorway. He still wasn’t any closer to it than he had been ten minutes ago. He knew a different life was waiting for him outside that door. He wanted that life, but he was scared to leave this one. It’s not that he liked his life; it’s just that he was used to it. It was comfortable. Kai smiled for a minute. The reasons he thought of as positive were the reasons Doug told him he needed to change it. It was Doug who made Kai smile. It was Doug who gave Kai the strength to consider this change. Thoughts of Doug made Kai smile again, and he stepped towards the door.

Three more steps now, and he’d be free in just three more steps.

 Kai couldn’t see through the doorway for some reason. Even though the door was open, it was just darkness where the doorway should have been, and it was the middle of the afternoon. Kai was beginning to feel lightheaded and dizzy from all the emotions raging through his heart and mind. His thoughts drifted back to his mother.

There had been plenty of good times between Kai and his mother. They had a lot of fun together over the years. He laughed when he remembered some of the family gatherings. He loved his family, especially his mom. He just wished she would let him love other people as well. When Kai gets too close to someone, his mother grows angry and tries to destroy the relationship. She would try to fill Kai’s mind with any fault she could find with the other person. If that didn’t work, she would use so much of Kai’s time doing things for her that the other person would grow tired of it and leave. The exception to this was Doug. Doug had stayed by Kai’s side through thick and thin. Doug wouldn’t allow Kai’s mother to drive him away. Kai’s mother hated Doug because of that, but Kai wouldn’t listen to her about him. The thought of his mother’s hatred of the one thing he loved angered Kai, and he took another step forward.

Two more steps now, just two more steps.   

Kai loved his mother… and hated her simultaneously, if that was possible. He loved her for all the good things she had brought into his life. She had brought him up well and taught him a lot, but she had also sheltered him from the rest of the world. Kai didn’t believe that she did it on purpose. She craved the attention and felt she deserved it. She told him she had given up much for him and expected him to do the same for her. Kai had done just that. He had been made fun of throughout school because he was so different. He was always off alone and didn’t get involved in any activities with anyone else. That was until Doug came into his life. Doug talked Kai into doing things. They weren’t terrible things, but things that a kid like Kai should have been doing all along. Things like going to Prom. That’s when Kai’s mother’s dislike of Doug became pure hatred. She could sense that Kai was drifting away from her. She tried to drive a wedge between Kai and Doug, but it was too late. Her meddling in their relationship drove Kai closer to Doug instead of the other way around. Two months later, a moving van stood packed in the driveway, filled with all of Kai’s things. Kai was moving out of his mother’s house and into his own apartment. An apartment he would share with Doug. Kai’s mother told him that she would never want to see him again if he did that. She thought that he would change his mind. He didn’t. He cried at the things his mother said to him and about him, but he felt she would reconsider after she calmed down. Her threats only made him surer of his decision. He cleared his head and came back to the present again. He took another step towards the doorway.

One more step now, only one more step.

Kai’s mother was screeching in the background. “Kai, you will be sorry if you go with him! Please don’t leave me! He won’t be there for you like I always am, Kai! You’re making a mistake! Don’t go to him!”

Just as Kai thought he couldn’t take that last step, a hand reached through the doorway. Kai smiled. He would recognize that hand anywhere. Kai could have grasped that hand and let himself be pulled through the door, but Kai knew for his own peace of mind that he needed to take the last step himself. Knowing who was on the other side and waiting for him to step through was all the help he needed. Kai took a deep breath, looked back one last time, and stepped through the doorway.

As soon as he was on the other side of the door, Kai felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders. The moment’s stress overcame him, Kai grew weak, and the world around him dimmed. Kai started to fall, but he never hit the ground. He felt himself being carried down the steps and away from the house. Kai looked up and saw the face of his best friend, his boyfriend, Doug. Kai knew he was safe. Before he allowed himself to drift off, his last thought was that his life would never be the same. Kai wasn’t scared anymore. Kai Kennedy was finally free.

 

Leo had tears streaming down his face. “Uncle Kai, that was a beautiful story, and Doug should be celebrated just for that, even if he hadn’t ever gone to war.”

Kai patted his nephew’s hand. “Thank you for saying that, Leo, but I think you know that most in this family would not agree.”

Leo blushed. “I know. It really sucks. You don’t think my dad would accept a relationship like that?”

Kai struggled to find the right words. “The look in his eyes, even today, when I mention Doug tells me that he probably wouldn’t. Times are much different now than in 1986 when I was your age. Even if you don’t feel you can tell your dad yet, there must be people you can talk to.”

Leo’s eyes grew wide. “Me? What makes you think I’m asking these questions because of me?”

Kai rolled his eyes. “I’m old, but I’m not dead. Even before we started talking today, I suspected. I see the way you and Jasper look at each other. It reminds me so much of Doug and me. Are you two, uh, are you two a couple?”

Now Leo was really blushing. “No! Nothing like that!” He shrugged. “Not yet, anyway. We have talked about it. A lot. And Uncle Kai, you’re not old!”

Kai chuckled. “At sixteen, I definitely considered fifty-three old, but thank you for saying that.”

“You’re the coolest adult I know, Uncle Kai. You’re not gonna tell anyone about me, are you?”

“Of course not. No one should ever be outed against their will by someone else. I do suggest you find someone that you trust to tell. Maybe your brother or your sister?”

“Definitely not Allison. Maybe Kam. I can trust him.”

“Speak of the devil. There he is now.”

Kam waved from the other side of the yard. Leo grinned. “I should go check on him before he gets himself into trouble. Thanks for the talk, Uncle Kai. I’m glad you know. Your friend Doug was a true hero. Happy Memorial Day!”

Kai Kennedy wiped the tears from his eyes as he watched Leo race across the yard. Tears of sadness at the memory of his lost love, but also tears of joy at the bright future he sensed for his young nephew.